this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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