Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
