I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
