New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
