sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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