Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
