My Higher Power is John Stamos
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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