I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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