anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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