your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
