How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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