lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
