My room smells like vodka and shame
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
