i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
