Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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