Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
