nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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