I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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