hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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