mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
