I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
