tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
