In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
