Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
