I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize