That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
