Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
