The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
