Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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