Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
