just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
