Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
