so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
