Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
