new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
