How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
