I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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