I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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