yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
