I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
