I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
