I wish my penis had an off switch
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Your penis caused this!
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