You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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