cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
