i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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