Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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