Quick, to the slutcave!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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