No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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