so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
