Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
