You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
