I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
