Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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