And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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