so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
