worst night to have a conscience
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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