What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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