i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
