you mean i was at the winter classic?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
