If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
