You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize